Have you ever had one of those day ?

Where you just want to go to the roof and lie down and just feel the breeze while lying on the edge ?

Take the car out for a spin, go on the highway, push the engine to it's limits and the let go of the steering wheel and let fate take it's course ?

Wondered what it would be like to jump of the roof and float through the air, weightless like an feather, before your body crumpled into the ground ?

Wanted to hug your family and cry. Out of gratitude for everything. And for failing to be a better son and brother ?

Wanted to kiss that one person who sits across from you in the bus while going to office, next time you see her. Without feeling any attraction. And let the chips fall where they may ?

Felt like screaming. At the top of your voice. Until you can scream no more. Until your throat feels like the fires of hell have sprung from within ?

To just start running and keep running without a goal or a thought, just keep running in the false hope that you can leave everything behind and be alone, just be you and your body ?

To hate your reflection and punch the mirror, letting each glass shard slice your wrist  and feel the blood trickle between your fingers ?

Wanted to get into a fight with a total stranger. And just pummel him. See his confused face disappear beneath your fists as it is replaced by a blurred mess of blood and tissue and tendons ?

Just stand in the middle of a railway track with your arms stretched out and feel the horn grow louder and louder until you feel the inevitable thud ?



It's one of those days.

Darling mother tried to have a go at moi lil ol' computer about 3 weeks back. Wanted to book some tickets online apparently. She ended up corrupting my OS and leaving my computer-less for the past 3 weeks.

Thanks ma. What would i do without you ?

So here i am reduced to FB-ing and Blogspot-ing at office , glancing over my shoulder every so often to see if my boss is approaching. Neck hurts like a bitch from all that turning. Speaking of bitches ....

I think i am over my ex. Almost . 99%. That's good enough for me. We can deal with the remaining 1%. Hoorah for closure ? You betcha !

Also you know what's a nice feeling ? Logging into FB after a long while and seeing 60 odd notifications. I used to laugh at people whose entire lives revolved around notifications and likes. And now i am one of them. Could i be sadder ? Sigh.

Luckily i have a few good things going for me to compensate for that disappointment . I have become good friends with this girl i used to date back in 2nd year of college. Been 4 years since we broke up but we have remained good friends all through out because we were best friends before we started shacking it up. So we are hoping to pick it up from we left off. As best friends obviously. Plus she is open to bunking office to go for random outings. JACKPOT.Feels nice to have a good bud after so long.

Oh and i just got a pay hike. And a new project. So professional life is boomin' like hell. Yay. Though in hindsight i just realized that it means i will have to work late hours and not be able to take holidays easily.

crap

Plus my 23rd birthday is fast approaching next month. On a sour note- i share my birth date with le ex (26 October), so it's gonna be an unfortunate remainder about her. If this was a movie story this would be the part where the audiences would boo and hiss at the mention of her name. Wishful thinking much , i know.

Aaaaanyways i think i better go do some work to justify my pay check.

Toodles y'all.

Here's to happy times ..

So i finally got over the ex, cut contact with her and asked her never to contact me again. And boy does it feel effin' good to finally grow a pair.

Yay me.

Life seems to be looking up these days. Been going out a a lot. Meeting new people at this event that i am helping to organize. Getting in touch with old friends. The last one particularly, because it turns out that quite a few had a crush on me and now that the news of breakup is out quite a few secrets are popping out of the closet. I am basking in the attention and lovin it McD style (yes i am developing an ego but fuck you i deserve this)

The best part is that i have closure with the ex i can travel to delhi without wanting to meet her (yeah she studies there). The future , for now, seems fun enjoyable and full of good things waiting to happen.

If i don't keep myself in check i might just turn in to an optimist.

Eitherways am gonna be enjoying this shit while it lasts.

Cheers bitches !

Epic. Shite. Heh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m7e7tCn7Bk


Mothereffin awesome song + you  hafta check out the top comment thread on this vid.


Most epic thing ever.


You are welcome.

Doesn't really take much to get me up

That's true.


Had a pretty decent Saturday for a change. I went for this cultural thing. This cute girl there flirted a bit with me. Boo yeah . Good ego boost ya know what with all the dealing with the ex's rejection. Reminded me of the good ol' days when i used to receive quite a bit of attention.

Plus i went to watch 'Shirin aur Farhan ki nikal padi'.That movie is the anthem for Forever Alone people if there ever was one. Good time pass though.




Unfortunately i could totally see myself easily crossing 40 and being single like Boman Irani's character in the movie. Except far less adorable. God damn.

Also the theater was filled with all sorts of couples cuddling and smirking together at jokes. FUCK YOU YOU JIZZGUZZLERS WHO THINK YOU'RE SO AWESOME FLAUNTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE GODDAMN THEATER AND AT LINE AT THE SNACK STAND. I HOPE YOUR PRIVATE PARTS SHRIVEL AND FALL OFF


Well that was cathartic.

Office beckons tomorrow. Bleargh.

Here's to hoping next weekend is as good. FML

Mark Zuckerberg- Fuck you

So my fb profile got shifted to the timeline. Finally.

Don't get me wrong it seems to be cool- but i like some stability in my life. Oh i love changes, i do man. Fuck monotony, that motherfuckin' shit be stiflin'. But then I also like having certain few things in my life that i can come back to after years and still not see any change ya know ?

Or maybe i am being silly. It's 12 in the night and i guess i am not making any sense. 

Anyways am tripping on Pink Floyd and this singer i came across called Adele. Seems to be pretty famous. Guess am pretty late to jump  on the bandwagon then. But by golly that woman has the rawest voice i have heard in a while. Gave me friggin goosebumps.

 

 

This 

This played right after Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb' is like sex for my ears. Try it.

Go on.

You can thank me late..

I am a naughty, naughty boy

Today started off on a shitty note . Missing the ex and shit.
 
So when i reached office i wasn't really in the mood to work. And by the time noon rolled around i was *THIS* close to smashing desks and beating up random people.

So what did i do instead ? Check this out.

Me: *makes own phone play random song to make it seem as though i am getting a call* *stops song and pretends to be on call* hello ?... yeah hi.... uh uh.. WHAT ? *shocked expression* WHEN ? ... Ok i get it *change over to sad puppy face, drooping hunched shoulders and start running hand through hair nervously* ok am leaving now.

Then i put my hand in my jean's pocket and pinched myself in the thigh hard enough to make my eyes water.

My boss who was watching the drama unfold assumed, naturally, the worst had happened and put a kind hand on my shoulder and  said "take the rest of the day off".

FREEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

And THAT is how you bunk office bitches.




P.S unfortunately i didn't have my house keys and my neighbor who had the duplicate keys had gone to get her eyebrows done.So i spent the next 2 hours sitting on my doorstep in the sweltering heat. Fucking Anticlimax.

So i went over my past few blogs. And man alive, it is embarrassing how whiny i sound.

Well that does it. I am making a sweeping declaration- from now on am gonna grow a pair and write better stuff. Definitely better than the shmuck i have been posting.


Here's to a new start- cheers bitches !

I hate sundays

Because I have nothing to do except  study for that stupid jizzguzzling CAT exam.

Which isn't fun at all.

Saturdays though are a different story altogether. Enough things to do to keep my mind occupied and keep the bitchy voice in the back of my head at bay.



So i just got up and was feeling even more depressed as usual.Mum took one good look at me and made me a plate of Pav Bhaji with an extra helping of butter. I know it isn't healthy but that cheered me up like nothing fucking can.


What would the world do without mothers eh ? God bless them all.


Now excuse me while i go hog like a filthy glutton that i am.

The one with the slight (maybe) optimism

Moi ex messaged me saying she missed me yesterday. I very politely told her to fuck off and stop being selfish. Me thinks me finally having some balls.

Yay me.

It's Independence day ya all. And since i am in such a fucked up state of mind i guess my mind is bound to make fucking weird associations. So instead of fighting it i am gonna give in to it this time.

So here it is- The fact that i could tell my ex to buzz off just a day before independence day is a sign. A sign of my freedom perhaps *cue inspirational background song*... and this freedom i shall cherish foreve-


Meh that was WAY too lame. Ok scratch that shit. Point is it's a holiday in middle of the week. So instead of going to office and bawling my eyes out in the restroom i am going to go out and have a effin good time. Can i hear a hell yeah ? *crickets chirp* ok fuck it then

I'm outta here

The one with the nightmares

So it's a monday.

Now that's an occasion for sorrow and loss of hope by itself, without having stuff added to it wouldn't ya think ?

But my mind begs to differ. After not having slept properly for 5 days in a row i decided to sleep early yesterday. And in the span of 7 hours i woke up no less than 12 times and had 6 different dreams involving le ex, and if my memory serves me right, she was going to town with guys in no less than 4 of those dreams.. GOD I WANTED TO BEAT THOSE BASTARDS UP SO BAD
Boy talk about wanting to cry like a baby.

I guess it is bound to happen. Yesterday , for the fourth time in past two months, i decided to cut contact. Because honestly even though we still have awesome conversations it just kills me to see her give so less a damn so quickly. She laughed smug in the knowledge i would come back to her. This time i intend to bloody well prove her wrong. But seriously who knew women stop feeling so fast ? It's almost enough to turn anyone off women...


In other news my sister adopted a baby squirrel found on the road. It's kinda cute. A small little thang, he just stays curled up in his bed all day and can barely open his eyes. Today morning when i woke up all shitty the little chap decided i needed a little bit of cheering up and tried to take hia (her ? no idea) first steps. It was a cross between a broken down robot and a drunk man. But it did make me grin.

Thanks for that you little furball.



Also luckily Independence day is coming up which means an outing with friends to get my mind off HER. Oh and an old friend is flying down on Saturday and we will be meeting up. And i am trying to get psyched about it.

Hopefully by this weekend i can stop being such a whiny mopey bitch.


Boy i wish my old blog readers could see me here being such a sourpuss. Hah. Just grinned thinking of their reactions.

Anyways guess i better go get ready for office and my asshole boss.

Bah.

Nostalgia time

Being the eldest sibling has it's benefits.

My childhood memories are clean i.e my sister does not appear in any of them. Not that i hate her.

But i liked those days.

I was a chubby white kid with a mickey mouse bottle that i was so fucking proud of i would have dry humped it if i was like this horny mofu.

I had a nice like. I had two friends- Rahul and Bhagirath. Rahul had a scary ass dad who we all lived in perennial terror of and Bhagirath... well he was a nice gujju chap. Had hair like a porcupine but boy did i love that kid to bits. I went to school, came back, ate, slept , played with my two compadres and slept like i didn't give a rat's tiny fart.


Fast forward almost two decades later- My parents have a whole load of problems going on, my sister's being a rebellious teenager giving me heart attacks every 4th day with her antics, and most of all i actually started liking someone and the whole thing went into the dumpster.

Now before you anyone groan inwardly at the thought of another person vomitting their sob stories on blogspot let me make things clear- I am NOT whining about her. Sure i miss her. A lot. But then she was ALSO my best friend at one point of time so it's like a double whammy. It's my tough noogies.

Anywhoo the point being that she is gone and for the first time my family is not enough. Coming home after work , or chilling with me mum on sundays i feel lonely ya know ? Which is weird. I have always held that family should always be in the top 3 important things in your life.

Wait.Scratch that. Make it Top 2.

Hell i even made sure the ex (is that the proper term ? because mine is confused shit. More on that later) kept her family as more important me. Yes that's how awesome i am, BOW BEFORE ME MORTALS.

Ok i digressed. So the point is these days i feel the intense need for a close friend. Sorta along the lines of her. I mean we talked about everything under the sun. Hell i would be walking down the road and would chance upon a one eyed beggar walking on his hands and i would whip out my phone and text her.

And now my hand does jump to my pocket but then it also goes back slowly.

Which is just plain sad.

Ofcourse it's not that i dont have friends. I do. But they are the type of people you go out with , have a good time and then don't see again till the next outing.

And look at me. Reduced to moping on blogspot

Bah am gonna take my self respect, or what's left of it, and go watch How i Met Your Mother episodes while eating Paneer Butter Masala.


AND I DON'T CARE WHAT MY GYM TRAINER SAYS BUT I AM EATING THAT AWESOME SHIZNIZZLE BECAUSE IT"S DELICIOUS AND I AM SAD AND HENCE I EARNED IT.

Don't judge me.

'night

The one with the intro

Guess nobody is really reading this.

No followers.

Ah well.For the first time in a long time i am writing for myself. And boy does it feel effin good.

I remember my last blog. It was a nice little place, but unfortunately it became  too damn popular for it's own good. Hell at one point even my dad found out about it and started reading it. Now how is a guy supposed to wrote in peace when the whole damn world expects him to wrote about specific things in a specific way ?Bah. Like i said it's better.

It feels pretty darn good to be writing again. I had forgotten how cathartic this whole thing was. I guess i have to be thankful for the shittiness of my life since it caused me to atleast write again.


Hope i don't turn this into a sob fest, mind numbing diary of sorts. If that happens i hope some readers come along to keep me in check.


Alright then.... er bye ?

What do you say here ? seriously ? i mean 'bye bye blogspot... miss me you machine until i next log in ?'

Meh. fuck this shit.